Friday, April 15, 2016

Mantra for hot food

What mantra can you use to cool down the hot food?

Any mantra, 108 times.

Then the food is cool!

from Aurelian Porumb

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Inside the Agnya of a lazy yogi

Time - 10:30 PM

Yogi - (Yawning) I am gonna skip footsoaking tonight. Let me sleep now and I shall wake up at 4 tomorrow, take a bath, footsoak and sit for meditation. Yes, that seems like a good plan.

Wait, that leaves me with only five and a half hours of sleep. Hmmm. Perhaps, I shall not sleep at all. After all, it is a test of my Guru tattva. So, if I don't sleep for the rest of the night, I can improve my Guru tattva by witnessing the desire to sleep.

But what shall I do till then? Won't I get bored? Let me sit on the computer.....

(3 hours later - 1:30 AM)

Oh! Is it just 1:30? Two and a half hours to go. I am feeling really sleepy now. Maybe I should close my eyes for a while. After all it is not good to starve the body of sleep and make it suffer. That is against Sahaja.

Time - 4 AM - The alarm rings

Yogi - Oh! Is it 4 AM already. (Switches alarm to 4:30 AM). Just a little while longer. If I sit for meditation now, I am just going to fall asleep. It is better to feel wide awake while meditating.

Alarm rings at 4:30 AM

Yogi - (Switches alarm to 5 PM) I might not have time to take a shower, footsoak and then meditate. I can take a shower in the evening. Besides, it is cold outside today. Mother has said that one should not take a shower and immediately step out into the cold. But if I don't take a shower, then I have some extra time on my hands. Well....

Alarm rings at 5 AM

Yogi - Oh no! I planned to wake up at 4 and now it is 5. I am a horrible yogi. Oh! All my plans have gone to waste. Now what is the point of footsoaking and meditating? Well, since it is already an hour late, why not sleep some more? (Switches alarm to 5:30 AM)

Alarm rings at 5:30 AM

Yogi - No time left to footsoak properly. I will have to rush. I can do it in the evening. After all, Mother has said that we should meditate once in the morning and once in the evening. If I do footsoaking now, what shall I do in the evening? Let me get up at 6:30, meditate and have breakfast. (Switches alarm to 6:30 AM)

Alarm rings at 6:30 AM

Yogi - (Wakes up, brushes his teeth etc. and enters meditation room) Ah! Now I can meditate. Wait, I am feeling hungry. Maybe I should have breakfast first. No, that will take some time to make. I should meditate first and then have breakfast. But then I won't have time to make breakfast. What should I do? ....

Mother says that meditation needs only ten minutes so I think breakfast first is a better idea. (Goes into kitchen).

Time - 7:20 AM

Yogi - Ah! That was a good breakfast. Now, I can meditate. (Looks at the time) What, I have only ten minutes! I need to leave at 7:30 to reach my office in time for this meeting. Oh God!

(Takes a quick bandhan). Why won't the vibrations flow? What is catching today? (Feels catch on Agnya and left Vishuddhi). Hmm, that is strange. Why should my Agnya and left Vishuddhi catch? Maybe I have not forgiven myself. Probably I am feeling guilty for getting up late.

Mother, I completely forgive myself for all my actions.

(Catch still does not clear) Mother, I forgive myself. Mother, I ..... Oh no! It is 7:30 already. I have to leave now. (Takes another bandhan). Well, I can always come home and footsoak.

(Time - 10:30 PM) - Well today was a tiring day, what with the incessant alarms in the morning and not being able to sleep till late last night. Anyways, let me footsoak now. (Starts feeling sleepy and yawns)

(Yawning) I am gonna skip footsoaking tonight. Let me sleep now and I shall wake up at 4 tomorrow.......

Disclaimer - All events in this joke were recorded from personal experience in the witness state. Any resemblance to this joke in your daily behavior is not merely coincidental - in fact, it indicates a serious problem. Please correct it.

Enjoy laughing!


Friday, April 8, 2016

Extra-powerful shoe beating

A new yogi was told to do shoe-beating to get rid of his problems. The next day, he was observed with very worn-out looking shoes.

Everyone thought, "Wow! This is a very powerful yogi, he did shoe-beating till his shoes were worn out."

So, I asked him, "Sir, you are a new yogi yet you have mastered the art of shoe beating. Can you give me some tips on doing this extra-powerful shoe beating?"

He said, "Sure, I took a baseball bat and whacked my shoes with it till they wore out. That's how I did shoe-beating!"


If you didn't get the joke, wait for some time. You will get it.

Vivek Raghuram.

Monday, April 4, 2016

The yogi and the tiger

A Sahaja Yogi meets a tiger in the jungle.

Yogi : Om twameva sakshat Shri Durga sakshat....

Tiger : (Puts paws towards yogi) Hey, your centre heart is catching. You need to take that mantra twelve times. I am going to wait here till you complete it.

Yogi : (cannot understand Tiger-ese) Mother, you are the protector of your children. Please protect me from this beast before me.

Tiger : Yes, Mother. Please protect me from this beast standing before me.

Yogi : Oh God, this tiger is not moving. (Starts giving bandhans - writes 'Tiger' on his hand and gives bandhans to that)

Tiger : (Thinking - Oh, so many vibrations. Someone must be giving bandhans for me. I have been unable to catch any prey for a long time, so I had asked the Realized Tigers to give me bandhans for it. Maybe today is my lucky day. I might find some prey - sees Yogi - hey!)

Let me vibrate my food first. Om twameva sakshat Shri Annapurna sakshat.....

Yogi : (Thinking - oh so many vibrations are raining upon me. The bandhan has worked! Now, a miracle will occur and this tiger will suddenly turn into a mouse! I can't wait to see that.)

The yogi never saw the miracle.

Don't feel too sad, though. He took another birth and has written this joke. After all, only the body dies. The Spirit is immortal.

With love,
Vivek Raghuram

Friday, April 1, 2016

New branch of Sahaja Yoga - 3rd Communication from the Spontaneous Innovation Council

In the recent years, our research team worked hard to find new ways of practicing Sahaja Yoga.

As a result, different branches were launched: Sahaja Meditation, Meditation Yoga, Free Yoga, Free Meditation, Meditation Sahaja, and even Yoga Sahaja. Each of them with a huge success.

Recently, we have started to investigate new ways of helping Kundalini raise. We noticed that Kundalini goes against gravity so we figured out that the more we push up, the faster the energy will raise. The results are amazing.

So today, we are launching a new branch of Sahaja Yoga. We’ll call it Jumping Yoga. The name is accessible as everybody knows what jumping is and all know what yoga is. Presenting it will be easier as we don’t have to explain all the terms, so less work for us.

The way to practice it is the following: instead of sitting quietly for meditation, the practitioners have to jump as high as possible.

The result is instantaneous: everybody feels joyous and starts laughing like never before. You can try it yourself.

See attached some images from different events where we started teaching it.

You can practice it in the city.

You can practice it outside of the city.

Age does not matter.

We also used it for an African tribe and while reluctant at first, they embraced it soon after. They now have a daily collective jumping session.

Try it today: five minutes in the morning and five in the evening will make a big difference in your life.

A Jumping Yoga class will be opened soon in your area.